man.

i hate the idea.
that my feelings.
are somewhat.
or rather.
they are.
contingent on the miniscul events of my day.

small things make me happy
small things make me sad
but what it is to say that something is big and something is small?


"you told me you knew in 5 minutes. i knew in a second."

and of course. i'm sitting here.

finding small technological activities to waste my fucking time.

or rather.
to compensate for the fact that my mind is wandering and running around.
when it should be concentrated on something else.
but its thinking about someone else.

again again again.
i dislike the internet.
i dislike my inability to paint my words onto a canvas.
leanfuckingproduction.
japan.
and it happens again.
do i really know you?
do you really know me?

---

my throat fucking hurts. and my nose too.

---

i'm so frustrated.
with myself.
sometimes i tell myself i need to chill about things.
but man how can i chill with a 10 page paper.
and my heart wants to do everything else BUT a 10 page paper.

bullshitting words onto a slice of a tree.
that's all i'm doing.


bullshitting my way through everything.

---

hopelessness again clothes me.
sad isn't it?
doesn't seem like i can take it off.
what a fucking rash.