damn.

never would i want my children to feel like this. or my people for that matter. as people of color or those who have been ostracized, marginalized, and oppressed for years to come never ever. what a simplistic thing to wish. to not be hispanic. to not have the color of your skin be a determinant of your personality or your self-worth. but in a color/ racialized society, it is. and quite frankly it's thoughts like these that anger me. or fuel my passion to make those understand. internalized racism, as i have just learned, is the worse form of racism. having transcended from the hate and ignorance of others you begin to hate yourself, and begin to hate your people, begin to hate who you are. and never ever should this be because it isn't your fault. i just read a snippet of harriet jacobs a daily life of a slave girl and i am so disturbed by the hate that can be contained in a person. people are people. we have lives, we have emotions, we are human. but when this isn't conscious among our own, where do we begin? then a sudden hopelessness drapes over me. and clouds my thoughts as i get frustrated on the eurocentric and narrow views/ perspectives that we are taught. we are taught that it is this way and nothing else. we are taught that this is right and your way is wrong. why, why must it be that i am asian and i am different. why must it be that it is "cool that i am so not asian." why must it be that who i am is not who i aim to be. frustrating.

question your ways and the ways of others. always.
don't assume that just because its in the books. just because its part of the rules. that its right and the only way. because if you look at who set the rules. who writes the books. then you may think twice.

oh the nuissance of awareness.
once you are aware, you are responsible.

okay i'm a little angry so imma rant a little more:
why don't people know about hate crimes of vincent chin. being killed because of the color of your skin being responsible for your entire race. "hey how come your kind does this and that..." well fuck you. i'm not a fucking country you idiot. "what are you." a womyn. that's what i am. fuck. okay and why don't people know about the suffering that imf and world bank is doing to those in outsourced factories. bringing down "local monopolies" my fucking ass. it is not right, why dont you look at it from a person perspective not a systematic perspective. then you will see that the mother of three that is forced to work in those factories for well under minimum wage or well under that 40 dollar sweater that you just bought that cost 10 cents to make. why don't people know about the hundreds of young children placed to be sex slaves for the rest of their lives. yes "its their fault." well is it their fault that they were born? as this one book i read "if you plan to be born, make sure you come out white and male." and the thousands of lynches that happened down south. what are lynches? well basically killing people for no reason. heartless. why don't people know about the destruction of native americans and their genocide and the mutilation of their reproductive system so that they will no longer reproduce. why don't people know about the hatred that is fostered within our society against those that are outside. ohhhhhhhh MAN. so many things in the world to be angry about.

oh another qoute that i like! "as a person of color you should be angry!"

oh snaps to that. snaps to that.

but just a small reminder: don't let this anger set you back, but manifest it into something that moves you foward.

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things that bother me:

dehumanization. (a big one.)
ignorance.
all the -isms.
internalized racism.
proper English grammar.

things that don't bother me:

down ass folks for the cause.
nice people.
open minded people.
hugs.


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i miss my mama's food.
or good food in general.

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on another note: i'm happy :) despite all the wrongs in this world.