life.

is so weird.

with its twist and turns
and complexities
and fucking multifacted face
if that makes any sense at all
lots of things are going on in my mind
always.
always.
always.

and its nice to vent. here and there on this blog. but i suppose i sound depressed/angry according to people. maybe its because i cuss and it never comes out of my mouth.

but don't you think if your mind spoke, it would of sound just like this?

as incoherent as our thoughts are, as jumbled as our emotions are, as watever the fuck you like to add to this.

oh life.
oh me.

---

okay so i seem boggled down with time.
but i like taking the time to talk to people.
and being around wonderful people.
and getting to know what it means to be me.
and what it means for them to be them.
so here are my new goals:


1. no emails past 9pm (hard but will do.)
2. make time for people.
3. make time for myself.
4. take the time to sit and listen to music and SKETCH (bitch. sry it rhymed. sort of.)
5. ENJOY life.
6. eat.
7. exercise. i know i've been saying this alot but its something i really really really want to do and think that it would really really make me happy.
8. watch tv.
9. don't go on aim.
10. say no to stuff.

---

things to keep in mind:

bff's = the best people in the world to me.
mom = also the best person in the world as well.
brother = tight ass stupidass
dad = his heart is there.
beccaboo = one crazy mature ladyteenager.
emily = i feel like such an old lady around her. i tell her about life and to think about school. and i'm like fuck. i'm an annoying adult.

and all those other crazy mofo's that are not mentioned here but are in my heart = awesome.

weird, people have been talking to me all of a sudden. alot of people. just plain good ol' talkin.
and things/ new things have been popping up.

i once felt hopeless about the world.
about things around me.
i once thought that no one gave a shit about me.

but i gotta tell myself to stop bitching about what i don't have.
and love what i have.
and do what i want to get what i want.

i'm exhausted but content.
i'm confused but screwing it.
i'm all over the place but i'm one.

but like i said before.
and i'll say it again to myself.
life is what you make of it. and that's that.


note to self:

stop making such a fucking big deal out of everything. you don't have to do any of it, nothing is really holding you to the word of it, there is no contract to life, nothing is an obligation, stop stressing over little things that you feel like you have to do. like having to finish things early or read things. b/c reality: you don't and school isn't everything but its something.