gazing.

off out into the crowds that wiz by. Starbucks in Lan Kwai Fong because I’m stuck outside due to pesticide cleaning of my dorm. I laugh because my roommate had cleaned everything out to make sure they aren’t “contaminated.” I feel like a messy chemicalized American because I bleached/colored my hair 3 times in the last month and put makefied shit on my face every day.

L-O-V-E song comes on and I get happy because this is my favorite love song of all time. You know the one that goes L is for the way you look at me…O is for the only one I see… Listening because I can. Staring at the guy to my left because he’s cute maybe because he’s reading a book and doesn’t even notice me. Then thinking to myself if anyone ever played/mentioned that song for me they would sorta have my heart.

After ping ponging with some distance relatives and having dimsum I walk from Prince Edward station to Mongkok Station. Sounding Vietnamese cacophony sparks the chit chatter of my mom with my grandmother at 9:04 pm. When cell phone use is unlimited free. I sit there and overhear the gossip between my mom and grandma. Maybe because it brings to me a sense of contentment knowing that my mom is happy when she talks to my grandma. Reminds me of my dad’s voice in the background as I talk to my mom on speaker phone. At around 3:43pm from my brother’s room and mine we can hear the garage rumble indicating that my dad is home. Me and my brother quickly attain a sense of alertness as we run to open the door for my dad. Reminds me of my aunt’s unnecessary but necessary [for her] massive two-sink, two refrigerator, 8 grill oven, larger-than-me microwave kitchen. Where the best food and desserts is produced. Flan for a month, French cake things for another month, whatever my aunt is obsessed with making at that time. She tries and tries until she perfects it. To me its always good. But I like to flatter her by telling her its yummier than anything ive ever had and that she still looks like she’s 30 years old. reminds me of my grandpa trying to figure out how to use the videotape player to record tv shows for my grandma. My brother gets mad because he always forgets. Connecting the past with the present is a surreal funkified feeling. I’m talking to a woman who has heard my mom’s voice when she was 12. She’s talking to the 20 year old daughter of the woman she used to play games with.

At Mongkok I cram myself in spaces where a claustrophobic person would have a heart attack. The sign said “Trendy Stores.” Suspicious at the obviousness of the sign I walk in. I venture into these stores and find a vintage store and spend too much for my own good. I find more but resist. Only because I have remaining in my wallet: 20 hkd. Not even enough for my 27 hkd starbucks coffee. But I walk out with a smile.