passions

sometimes slip before me
disappear
sometimes it surfaces
but it likes to hide.

lately, i've been feeling that I don't have enough of it.
That I easily cast things aside when they are "hard."
Where is my dedication?
Where is my commitment?
Why do I give up so easily?
Why do I live in my thoughts more than try?
What does that even mean?
What do those things look like?
How do I become good at something?
How do I measure that?
How do I know if I've reached it?
How do I maintain it?
How do I show people my passions?
How do I keep it alive?
How do I live?
How do I keep myself alive?
What do you want to accomplish?

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I've been feeling really insecure at my ability to write lately. I can write a certain way, my challenge is to shift the narrative, stay focused, and write with a purpose. It's like being asked to sing in different kinds of octaves. A challenge well noted.

Increase vocabulary. Proliferate in writing. Stay focused.

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I'm really good with guidelines. Art with guidelines. Homework with guidelines. Assignments. I can do very well on those and be really creative with what I am given. However, when I am left to my own. I'm just lost.

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passion free write:

the subtle scratches on a vinyl record
the innocence of a child
the expansiveness of space
the thickness of acrylic paint
the hardened paint on clothing
died glue on my hands
the pause of the sky
the dim of the stars
a faded photo
a memory relived
music that brings me there
the beat of a band
the sweat of a show
the enveloping humidity of Vietnam
the breeze outside of a club
the high of coffee
the acceptance of a child