although.

contrary to the bottom logging of mine.
i'm contented.
and smiling.

maybr b/c i love rain and i love hot chocolate.
as i hear the monobeedroning of the pour hitting some rusted railing and making a continous beat that's bouncing off my ears.

and right now i'm just trying to find some good good friends to be close too.
out of 40,000 you would think i can find like 3?
but i dunno if i should be searching.


cos then it would be good good friends that didn't naturally come about i suppose.

watevers. its raining!!!

and i just wrote a 4 page deally on reach! aw. i heart my interns very mucho.
and those who make me smile.
because its lacking these days.

just worried about:
getting my study abroad papers straightened out. damn bureacratic school.

---

usually when i go home, i hear three things:

1. kim you look like EEEEEEXXXACTLY like your mom when she was young.
2. kim why are you so short?
3. kim why do you look like your 15?

but of course there are no answers to these questions as these inquiries i cannot help due to my damn genes. and i'm cute.

but anywho. i was a bit mad after i heard those comments walking into the door. of course they could of said "kim, hows school doing?", "what are you up to?", "are you enjoying it?" then maybe they can see that even though i may apparently look like i'm 15 i'm fucking well beyond my age of 19 when talking about certain things that fire me up. when seeing the work that i do, the thoughts that i run through me, etc. etc. etc. so i walk upstairs to play with my cousins, a little angered, but enjoying the steak nonetheless.

then i went home and decided that i was going to say something the next time any of the three items on the list was said to me. (not number one, cos that's okay.) but for the others yes.

but then something happened on the 4 turkey i was eating. my uncle said something contrary to the usual that i encounter.

"what's your major kim?"

"public health and ethnic studies"

"oh that's good, do you know what you want to do? you want to run a hospital huh? you like policy work?"

...
none of the three items above were mentioned.

for the first time, some one has NOT DISCOURAGED ME!!! from what i was doing.
then he said he liked my article i wrote in the daily cal. and that it was really good. nice to see that someone in the family somewhat comprehends the work that i'm doing, often times its hard to explain to my family, why i do the things that i do, to the point where they don't know at all.

then the night was followed by more nice conversations with other uncles and family members and mom. surprising turn around.

i'm always wanting to ask my mom her history. and my dad, i know it vaguely as my dad has a short temper that comes out of nowhere that forces me to not want to ask him random questions all the time.

but what i learned: mom and dad spent time in refugee camps in thailand-- my dad spend a longer time, my mom's camp "better" than my dads. my mother went here by plane, but what i did not know was that four times was she caught in jail, due to attempts to escape by boat. 4 times. my dad. i'm not sure about him. i want to know, but i am scared to ask.